One pattern I see with struggling businesswomen working harder and longer than necessary is connecting two thoughts or concepts that are not intended to be connected.
Our brain loves to connect multiple things in an attempt to create certainty, but sometimes the connections may be inaccurate or connect two things that are not connected.
One pattern I notice with struggling businesspeople is the belief that people reaching out to them is the only way to identify if their marketing or their business is working.
They expect people to be reaching out to them, calling them, sending them messages or emails, or just telling them they want to work with them as an indication of success.
Do you know one of the reasons we avoid making decisive decisions is because we fear the worst-case scenario?
Our brain has already played out the possible worst-case scenario, and it is scared of it.
I help my clients go to the worst-case scenario, and they play it out.
We spend time there and look for all the possible outcomes.
Even in the worst-case scenario, life will still be 50 positive and 50 negative.
When my clients see this, their brains calm down, and they can make a decision and realize that no matter what happens, there is no right or wrong decision, AND if the worst-case scenario plays out, they will still experience life at 50/50.
Without this awareness, my clients take a ton of action trying to find the perfect decision by polling, evaluating, looking at the past, worrying, resisting emotions, etc.
This has them spending time and energy in indecision debt.
When we play out the worst-case scenario, we make decisions faster AND make the decision the best decision.
They can move from trying to decide to deciding AND creating the life and business they want without working harder and longer than necessary.
If you want to learn how to make decisive decisions AND make those decisions the best decisions, I can help you.
As a life coach who coaches businesswomen, I noticed that struggling businesswomen have their own form of buffering.
Buffering is a term used in coaching to describe an action done not to feel “negative” emotions.
We can clearly see buffering when someone overeats not to feel negative emotions and weigh more than they want to or spend money to feel better, creating debt or extra clutter in the home.
In business, the buffering is in the form of taking a ton of non-income producing activity like cleaning the office or inventory, taking another training or reading another book, taking a ton of the same action without evaluating if the action is producing the result we want or even questioning why not, or even spinning in mind-drama and turning the discomfort of growth into drama and blaming.
When a businesswoman is busy blaming the economy, the market, or anything else outside of her, instead of sitting with the uncomfortable emotions AND tweaking her marketing, her product/service, or her presentation and mindset, she is buffering with blame.
Yes, the blame seems necessary, but it advocates responsibility to something outside ourselves instead of feeling the discomfort, taking responsibility, and deciding to do something different.
And just like other forms of buffering, this one has us taking a ton of action and leaves us earning less than we want to earn.
I have always been an accountant at heart, and I studied accounting in High School in Kenya.
I remember the teachers stressing the importance of understanding the debits and the credits and the accounting formula (assets = liabilities + Shareholder’s Equity).
It did not make sense to my young brain why they would harp on such a basic concept.
When I attended the university and took advanced accounting, the professors did the same thing.
I remember classmates complaining, especially since there is computer software that could enter the debits and the credits and spit out reports.
They did not understand why we needed to understand the basics of accounting.
And the professors said it was for us to understand the reports the programs were producing and tell if they were correct as human error happens.
I still did not get it until I worked for an organization and noticed that the income statement was off.
Without understanding the simple debits and credits, we would not have been able to correct a human error.
I say all this because, in business and goal creation, we need to understand the basics to create what we want and, most importantly, recreate what we want.
If we find ourselves with or without the goals we want, do we understand step by step why or why not?
If we have been successful in one area, can we recreate it in another area because we know the basics of how the success was created?
Not understanding or being aware of the basics has too many businesspeople struggling and working harder than necessary.
I help my clients break down the basics, understand them and use them to create what they want.
The bonus is they are not only able to take the basics to other goals; they too can teach others to recreate the any goals.
Tony Robbins says, “Success leaves clues,” and not knowing what the clues have cost us time, money, and success.
If you are ready to “get back to basics” and understand what creates success, I can help you.
How many times do we have to pay for the same mistake?
Our answer to this question will be a tell-tell sign of how hard we work to create our dreams.
As a child, I punished myself multiple times for the same offense; once, when I realized I had messed up, I confessed and was punished, and in the future, I reminded myself that I messed up in the hopes of not repeating the mistake.
I took this pattern into adulthood and punished myself multiple times for the same offense.
The irony is that this pattern did not reduce the offenses, just my self-trust and my relationship with myself.
As I progressed in my personal development journey, my mentors kept showing me the pattern and how it was costing me my enjoyment of my current life.
Punishing myself for the same offense slowed me down and eroded the one relationship I wanted the most; my desire to trust me unconditionally.
Of course, this pattern was reflected on the people in my life, but that is a story for another day.
I started noticing the cost of this pattern, and my goal is to eventually not punish myself; I will admit I still punish myself, but only once—one offense, one punishment.
Without the constant beatdown and increased self-trust, I can make mistakes, forgive myself faster and move on to other things.
I have noticed my level of self-trust has increased, and so has the trust I have with the people in my life.
How many times do you have to pay for the same mistake?
Even one less beatdown can help you achieve your dreams faster without working harder or longer than necessary.
Confidence is something so many people want.
Confidence feels good and drives so much amazingness.
Unfortunately, most people do not know how to create confidence and are looking to things, people or places outside them to create confidence for them.
Confidence is 100% an inside job.
Of course, things can be created on the outside that will enhance the feeling of confidence, but the original spark of faith comes from inside you by how you think.
I teach my clients how to cultivate confidence inside them and how to become the confident person who goes out into the world and creates more confidence.
Everything we want starts from inside us and cannot be created from outside us.
Confidence is created by a belief that the worst thing that can happen is an emotion, we are willing to feel any emotion, no matter what, we will figure things out and we will have our back through it all.
From these beliefs, we show up feeling confident, which fuels all our actions and inaction.
From these beliefs, we show up confidently no matter what is happening around or if we have the results we are looking for.
When we seek confidence from outside us, confidence depends on the results and falters based on the results.
True confidence keeps us going before and especially after the results are there.
True confidence has you falling and getting back up and going back to action because you have your own back.
True confidence has you trusting yourself even if you did not show up as powerful as you could have, and is what has you creating awareness and deciding how to show up differently next time.
True confidence is a gift you get to give yourself.
Confidence is how we get twice as much done in half the time and achieve our biggest dreams.
Ready to learn how to create confidence anytime you need it? Schedule a consultation call.
I love the analogy of thoughts being like rocks in bags.
I use this analogy, especially when I teach my clients how they are working harder and longer to create the results they want.
And just because we can carry heavy loads does not mean we have to.
My clients will come to me and use terms like “I feel heavy, or it feels heavy,” “I just feel pulled down,” or “I have a weight on my shoulders.”
I visualize the things weighing them down as bags full of rocks.
My clients will be walking up the steep hills but carrying the extra weight on their shoulders.
Coaching with me is like identifying what the rocks are and deciding to give them back or drop them.
The hike up the hill is challenging enough.
We can benefit from dropping the extra heavyweight—for example, a client who caters her life and business actions to other people's opinions. Every opinion is a rock. Before they can take a step like a post on social media, they need to evaluate each post based on all the opinions. By the time they post, they have picked up each rock, analyzed it, evaluated it, and decided how the post will impact all the opinions.
When we decide to give everyone their rocks back, we can just decide we want to post something like our reason and allow everyone to deal with the extra weight of their rocks.
When given their rocks/opinions back, most people drop them because they do not like the excess weight.
AND when we give them their rocks back, they drop them as they don’t want to be carrying them either.
AS my clients move closer to their goals, their bags get lighter, and it’s normal for my clients to set bigger goals as they see how amazing and strong, they always have been.
If you are ready to learn how you are working harder and longer than necessary to make your dreams come true, I can help you.
When I teach my clients the power of using love, kindness, and compassion to take action and create their goals, the most common question I get is, “what if I love myself too much and I don’t want to take action?”
Currently, my clients will be using force or negative reinforcement to take the action they desire, and it leaves them exhausted, depleted, and sometimes burnt out.
My answer is always to have them think of a person or thing they love and how motivated they are from love.
For example, a client will work longer hours or take on more assignments to pay for extracurricular activities for their child because they love watching their child participate in the activities.
Or a client who will work a job they don’t particularly enjoy because they love the privilege of what the job provides them, like food, shelter, and clothing.
Love inspires us to do things we would not typically want to do.
Love is a powerful emotion, and it taps into our creativity.
Love will have us do uncomfortable and challenging things just to experience more of the beautiful feeling.
Spend time feeling love and ask yourself, “what would love do?”.
Think of how hard you will work for someone you love and who is kind to you.
Why would it be different when it comes to ourselves?
Spend time gathering proof and evidence of things you have done, sometimes moving mountains for love.
Think of times you have even worked harder for love and how rewarding it was.
When I started keeping track of things I did from love, I noticed I worked hard but never felt exhausted.
I walk miles for my dogs because I love them and love watching them sleep when they are drained.
I went to school for my master's because I made more money to pay for my daughter's dance and loved watching her on stage dancing her heart out or loved hearing how proud she was of herself after learning a hard move.
I paid for sports for my sons because I loved sitting at the dining room table and hearing them talk sports with their father or watching them on the field or mat, pushing themselves to do things they once thought were impossible.
The same applies to us; we can get to impossible things from the feeling of love.
Spend the next week asking yourself, “what would love do?” and keep track of the amazing creativity and inspiration that comes from love.
Ready to learn more ways we can take the actions we always wanted and create the business of our dreams without experiencing exhaustion or burnout? I can help you.
Understanding our cultural interpretation of words can make a huge difference in our lives and thus the experiences we have in the world and our businesses.
We are taught in personal development to take full responsibility for our thought, feelings, actions, and thus the results we are creating in the world.
Sounds fantastic and straightforward.
I thought so too for years until I noticed that my understanding of responsibility meant the need for blaming.
When I saw it, my understanding and association in my brain went from taking responsibility to taking the action of blaming so that we could fix the problem.
My default thinking was that something had to have gone wrong for us to take responsibility, and we needed to fix it by blaming and shaming, so we could not repeat it.
So interesting enough, I avoided and skirted taking full responsibility and creating awareness because it would mean I would blame myself and fix myself.
I avoided reviewing and evaluating patterns, thus creating changes and desired growth.
All felt heavy and something I needed to avoid.
But when I saw this pattern and noticed that this interpretation was not producing the desired result, I was empowered to look at what I wanted to make taking responsibility mean.
If I come from love, empowerment, and reprogrammed my brain to look at it from the most compassionate and graceful place, blame was not in the picture.
I choose to look at taking responsibility as a clean and loving thing.
Once my body and I unconditionally trusted me, and it was safe to create pure awareness from clean responsibility, my relationship with myself grew stronger.
The most loving and compassionate conversations have been happening, which in turn fuel actions that I always wanted for ease and fun.
I could easily extend the same grace and love to others in my life, thus creating more collaborative and creative relationships.
If you, too, have a pattern of blaming, let’s find what you believe blame will fix or avoid.
Let’s find your interpretations of words, and let us replace them with more effective and impactful variations that will take you to where you want to go.
Schedule a consultation call, and let us have an honest and loving conversation.
Negative reinforcement works UNTIL it does not work.
My clients have a strong history of using negative reinforcement to create their goals in the past.
They have tons of proof and evidence when it worked from their family of origin and maybe during their college days.
Unfortunately, negative reinforcement only works when we are driven by external motivation like avoiding punishment, failing, survival or taking care of your four basic needs; food, shelter, clothing and utilities.
Negative reinforcement does not work for internal-driven desires like building a business you want.
For example; negative reinforcement works when you have a medical diagnoses that requires you to lose weight, eat healthy and work out.
However, it will not work when you want to lose weight to be healthier or fit in a outfit you like.
My clients will try to use negative reinforcement to create their dreams and struggle because it does not work.
I help my clients reprogram their brains and patterns from using negative reinforcement to using more effective tools and skills that guarantees they create their goals without working harder than necessary.
If you have tried using old tools and skills that worked at one time, but now are only fustrautaing and exhausting you, I can help you.
Watch a reply of a training I did and learn ways you are working harder and longer than necessary to create your dream business.
My life has changed dramatically in the last two months and in ways that would have stressed me out in the past but have resulted in so much more love, compassion, grace, AND even faster goal creation.
We have heard it can be easy and fun to create our goals
OR We need to have love and compassion to create our goals
AND if you are like me, you most likely secretly said “bullshit, not possible”.
AND secretly, you, like me, may still use force and pressure to try to create our goals.
Using harsh words, trying to force round pegs into square holes, getting frustrated and overwhelmed, getting exhausted, and all while watching others do it faster with fun and ease.
My default was to believe I was broken; something was wrong with me OR worse yet, I was not good enough as my humanness or human value was broken and needed to be fixed.
NO HUMAN IS BROKEN, just the tools being used, just the skills being used, how they are being used and the energy the actions are coming from.
So with the change I had no choice but to accept there was a different more loving and compassionate way AND the universe and all the work I have done in the past STEPPED up big time.
Nothing I have done in the past was wasted, and was just a solid foundation to when I changed the energy being used things, goals, desire and dreams just clicked into place AND in ways I could have NEVER forced, controlled or fixed.
With love, grace, and compassion for me, I am taking care of myself in ways I could have never imagined, thus making it easy to take care of the things and people in my life.
With grace, love, and compassion, when things do not go as planned OR humans do human things like getting sick, OR when we underestimate things like the energy or actions or time, we can recover so much faster AND redirect as needed.
If you are going, sounds good, BUT how?
I can help you. Schedule a consultation call and let us have a conversation.
