Why Wanting the Client Too Much Is Blocking the Sale and What to Do Instead
This is the first post in a five-part series on the kinks that block high-achieving women from the results their effort deserves.
Last week I introduced the hose framework.
You are the hose. The tap is your effort. The results come out the other end. And when nothing is coming out despite consistent action, the problem is almost never the tap. It is a kink somewhere in the middle.
This week is Kink One.
You are gripping the outcome so tightly that nothing can flow through.
What gripping looks like
She is on a sales call. Everything seems fine on the surface. She is asking good questions. She is listening. She is presenting her offer clearly.
But something underneath the conversation is tight.
She is tracking every word the potential client says. Reading every pause. Adjusting every response to try to land the yes. Not because she is manipulative. Because she needs this to work. And that need has a weight to it that people feel before you say anything.
The potential client cannot name it. But something pulls them back. They need to think about it. They will circle back. They are not quite ready.
Not because the offer was wrong.
Because the energy of gripping is not the same as the energy of genuinely wanting to help.
The two kinds of fear
Here is the distinction that changes everything.
There are two kinds of fear in business.
The first kind is fear about what other people will do.
Will they buy. Will they stay. Will they do the work. Will they get results. Will they refer me to someone else. Will they think I am worth what I am charging.
This fear lives in someone else's hands. You cannot resolve it. You cannot control it. You cannot think your way through it or work your way past it. And every ounce of energy you pour into managing it is energy that cannot flow into your own action.
This is the kink.
The second kind of fear is about what you will do.
Will I show up consistently. Will I ask for the sale clearly. Will I hold my price when someone pushes back. Will I keep going when things feel slow. Will I be visible enough. Will I say the true thing.
This fear lives in your hands.
You can choose through it. You can act despite it. You can do the work anyway and let your action be the answer.
This is the tap. This is where your energy belongs.
How the kink forms
The kink forms when she confuses the two.
When she points her energy at what other people will do instead of what she will do. When she grips the outcome as if it belongs to her. When the need for the yes becomes heavier than the genuine desire to help.
And the tightness that creates shows up everywhere.
In the sales call that feels tense underneath.
In the content that teaches well but does not quite connect.
In the launch that exhausts her to run.
In the follow-up message that reads like chasing instead of caring.
In the slowness she interprets as failure instead of lag time.
All of it a kink formed from gripping what was never hers to hold.
What the clearing looks like
Releasing the grip does not mean not caring.
The women I coach who have this kink care enormously. That caring is actually one of their greatest strengths. It is what makes them excellent coaches and service providers.
The shift is not from caring to not caring.
It is from gripping what belongs to someone else to fully owning what belongs to you.
Your job is to show up fully. To do your work well. To ask for the sale clearly and genuinely. To deliver on what you promise. To keep going when it feels slow.
The result belongs to someone else.
Whether they buy is their decision. Whether they do the work is their choice. Whether the launch converts is a result of many factors including some you cannot fully control.
When you release the grip on their decision and put all of that energy back into your own action, something shifts.
The tightness underneath the sales call becomes warmth.
The chasing becomes genuine following up.
The content written from need becomes content written from genuine desire to help.
And people feel that difference. Even when they cannot name it.
The tap stays fully on. The grip on the end of the hose releases. And what was always available starts to flow.
The question worth sitting with
Where in your business are you gripping an outcome that belongs to someone else?
Where is the tightness living? In your sales calls? In your content? In how you feel when results are slow?
And what would change if you released that grip and redirected all of that energy back into your own action?
That is the clearing.
If you want support finding Kink One in your own hose, the quiz is the place to start.
"What's Really Driving Your Overworking." Three minutes. Link below.
